People often ask me why I am so difficult and distent. No amount of argument on that point will dispell that the behaviours you perceive to have those roots have different unrelated character flaws. What I would say to you- you lovely people whom I adore from a great distance- is that you should know I miss you. Letting you know that is, however, not helpful.
This is supposed to be an informative post, so apologies for the inevitable rant that will follow.
Some people were (un)lucky enough to be in close living proximity to know that I have left York and why. You can skip this bit. For other curious beloved ones, let me explain. Yesterday was my 25th birthday although I’ve been too busy to really notice. Yesterday morning I got on a train to Scotland with as many of my functional possessions as would fit into a 65 kilo holdall. Thank you for all of your birthday wishes anyway.
I have come home to be with and help care for my Grandmother. She wouldn’t want everyone and their cousin knowing the ins and outs of her medical history, but it’s fairly safe to let you know that she now has cancer for the 5th time in her life. This time it is back with a vengeance. Not that if cancer had motive it would have any right to have beef with my Gran for fighting it before, but such is the nature of cancer. The complications are complicated. As a result of that and her wish to be at home when she dies (and the inherent stubbornness that gallops in my family) it made the most sense that I quit England and come help. And just generally be here.
The time it took for this plan to be realised meant I couldn’t reach out to as many of my Yorkian friends as would have liked before leaving. I am sorry that I did not inform everyone. I am sorry that there are a lot of you who I will not see for a long time.
I am sorry that there are already many friends and family who I have not seen or spoken to in years. That is a different story that features my ignorance more prevalently, and few decent reasons.
It is important that I am not wished back in England overwhelmingly often. It is inevitable given my habit of a lack of communication that this distance between us will continue. It is important because if I am here longer it will be because my Gran is still alive. Understandably, although selfishly, we want all the time she and her body are willing to give us. She is so pivotal in our family; her intuition, her love, her humour and her guidance are so needed by all of us.
The focus on caring for Gran is now on the quality of her life. I am no nurse. What I will be doing is chatting to and challenging my Gran (by generally being a goofy guiser to make her laugh). My support in daily routines will make things less stressful than organising my large family to help. Perhaps you didn’t need to know that bit. It helps with understanding the why?
There will be some free time up here of course- I am thoroughly annoying and Gran will need to get rid of me every now and again. But you all know what I’m like- organising me is not easy either. If there are people who want to see me… I will get round to it. If there are people who wish to take advantage of there being a place to crash in Fife that will probably be fine too.
To those mentioned that I had not spoken to in such a very long time please accept my apology, for I truly mean it. Know that I do my best to pick up where I left off should you feel like meeting me again. Should we never get around to it, know that I wish you well.
From this you may have more questions. Or you may wish you hadn’t read this far. Contacting me is now easiest via Skype and email.