Never young, never old

How old is old enough that not registering the passage of time is okay?
Not in terms that minutes seem like hours or that deadlines come to soon; we have these frustrations in school as young kids. I posit the question to see whether my condition of having been 13 going on 30 has never actually been cured by my true aging.

When people tell you, you talk like an old woman/old man there is an element of wisdom. It’s the knowledge that as you get into your late teens you’ll come to realise that all your pubescent epiphanies that you scolded your allegedly brainless elders with were bullshit- you’ll either have been wrong entirely or so ill educated on the subject that you may as well have been wrong. One day you may even have the pleasure of meeting your 13-year-old self and you will say exactly the same thing to them.

Occasionally you might meet some young thing who is wise beyond their years, but they’re likely to be few and far between.

I don’t pre port myself to be wise although I have always spoken like an old woman. I would scold others who leave taps running; ignore playmates I would self righteously declare attention seekers; fain modesty in light of others praise; cried silently at the death of a classmate and say the reason I didn’t sob was because I had known grief already.

Recently it came to my attention that those I make the strongest friendships with now in work are 5 to 10 years older than me. I have looked back on conversations with them about other workmates who haven’t the experience of other working environments because of their age. And then I realised- those we were talking about were around my age. I might defend it and say I learned hardwork early having been raised in a care home, washing cars at 13 and working in a shoe shop as soon as I was legally employable. Is it that I am ahead, my age group behind or that I feel older?

Is it even okay for me to feel older? Having been rightfully called out as a teen am I not now just perpetuating that same behaviour? Will I have another realisation that I am bullshitting people… and this time it’s not just myself and my family, it’s new friends: people who consider me an equal.

What does society think? My old woman opinion on that question is that it is legitimate to lose track of your age when you are over 40. Some years will pass without your noticing. A 20-something who has to work out they’re age from their date of birth, however, must be slow in some way.

My birthdays have been uneventful since I was 18. Perhaps because I am a December baby meaning it requires more effort to seperate the celebrations and people aren’t always able. It took time (a good ten minutes) for me to remember which birthdays had passed by trying to recollect what I did on those days. Turns out I have been at work on each creating the daily blur of get up, wash, eat, walk to work, walk at work, walk from work, eat, wash, sleep. Using my date of birth was actually quicker (I timed it).

With feeling and false certainty I said that someone a year younger only had a lack lustre working style because they were young and would learn. For my sake, of having defended the lazy bugger I do now hope they learn. And faster than they have been doing.


About oreoanonymous

A drop-out marine biology student from Scotland. Certainly some cursing will be bandied about.
This entry was posted in education, Personal blog, Working life and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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